Strength Of Scars: Healing Trauma With Faith | Avonley Lightstone's Inspirational Moving Story Of Resilience, Identity & Hope (Inspirational)

What if the scars you’ve been hiding are actually the source of your greatest strength, healing, and purpose?

This deeply moving episode of Real Talk With Reginald D delivers a powerful inspirational and motivational podcast conversation with Avonley Lightstone author of Strength of Scars. Avonley’s life is a testimony of resilience, faith, and courage—beginning with unimaginable trauma at just three years old, including a tragic house fire, the loss of her mother, abandonment, abuse, and years of silent suffering. Avonley at just three years old, was faced with an unimaginable choice: try to save her mother from a raging fire or watch her scream in flames.

In this inspirational motivational episode, Avonley shares how trauma did not destroy her—it refined her. Through faith, forgiveness, and healing, she transformed pain into purpose and scars into strength. This episode is a motivational speech in conversation form, offering hope to trauma survivors, abuse survivors, and anyone struggling with shame, identity, or feeling voiceless.

If you’re searching for motivational encouragement, faith-based inspiration, and a reminder that healing is possible—even after deep trauma—this episode will meet you right where you are.

Many people carry invisible scars—childhood trauma, abuse, abandonment, shame, and pain they never chose. You may look “fine” on the outside while feeling broken on the inside. This inspirational motivational episode speaks directly to listeners who want healing but don’t know where to begin.

Press play now for this inspirational motivational speech-driven conversation and discover how healing, faith, and courage can turn your scars into strength

Avonley's Contact Info:

Purchase "Strength of Scars" now on Amazon

Website: https://www.avonleylightstone.com

Social Media:  @avonleylightstone  

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Transcript

Welcome to Real Talk with Reginald D. I'm your host, Reginald D. On today's episode, I have Avonley Lightstone. Avonley is a woman whose life is a testimony of resilience, faith, and courage. And at three years old, her story began with the trauma so unimaginable it could have destroyed her before her life even started. A house fire, the loss of her mother, a father battling addiction, and a childhood marked by emotional, physical, and mental abuse. Avonley is the author of Strength of Scars, a powerful book about healing, identity, faith, and a beauty that can rise from broken places. Welcome to the show, Avonley

 Avonley Lightstone: Thank you so much. It's exciting to be here. I appreciate and feel honored to be on your show. 

Reginald D: Thank you so much. So can you tell us a little bit about where you grew up and a little bit about your family and then go right into your story? 

Avonley Lightstone: Yeah. So I grew up in a family of 14 adopted children. I was adopted, and I grew up in southern Utah, a rural area where the population was around, like, 200 and 300 people. So really small. And it was a really good lifestyle and wholesome in many ways because I grew up on a ranch and I learned a lot of work ethics being able to work with cattle. And so there was a lot of rewarding aspect of growing in, like, a small area on a ranch. 

Reginald D: Yes. I had a uncle that moved from South Carolina and he moved to Utah and never knew nothing about it. And I think the first day he got there, he ended up on a horse and got lost in the snow or something out there or something. But he's been there about probably over 40 years now. 

Avonley Lightstone: Oh, exciting. So it's very adventurous. There's a lot to do here in Utah.

 Reginald D: Yeah, he's enjoying it, so I need to go out there and visit him when I can get a chance.

 Avonley Lightstone: Yeah, you should. 

Reginald D: So, Avonley, you've said that fire left visible and invisible scars. When did you first realize your deepest wounds were not on your skin, but in your heart?  

Avonley Lightstone : Yeah. So I realized that at a very young age when I was battling with the abuse that I was going through, I had to figure out, like, who to turn to. And with my internal abuse that I went through and having physical scars on me, I just felt really alone. I was very fortunate to be adopted into a religious home where I was taught about God. And I just put a lot of my trust and faith in God at that time. And so, yes, I would say my foundation in those times, I just put it on God. 

Reginald D: Yeah. Because I'll tell you, when you go through things in life, you know, when you put it on God, put it in God's hands, it tends to work out in your favor. It gives you strength through the process also. 

Avonley Lightstone: Yeah, it really does. And it's not like it's nice knowing that somebody can take a lot of your burdens because some of the burdens can be so heavy at times. Like some days can be heavier than other days. And so knowing that you don't want to put burdens on like people closest to you because they wouldn't be able to handle it. But knowing that God can handle it and he's willing to work with you and help you out just makes the day a little bit more lighter that you can carry forward with it.

 Reginald D: Yes, yes. So you lost your mom in the house fire. You know, after losing your mother and being given up by your father, you were placed in an orphanage. What do you remember about those early years and how they shape your sense of identity? 

Avonley Lightstone: Yeah, so like you had mentioned in the bio, I tried to save my mother from a house fire. She was cooking food. I was just kind of left alone. My siblings were out in school, My grandparents had taken my baby sister. So it was just literally just me, my mom and my dad. And when my mom caught on fire, I went and tried to wake my dad up, but he was completely passed out and drunk, not responsive. So I went ahead and hugged my mom and ended up getting burned. And then we were taken to the hospital and didn't have any sort of like numbing agent or medication to kind of help numb a lot of the pain that I went through. And they just had to scrub my back and the fire burnt my clothing onto my skin. They had to scrub that debris off of it. And that was really painful. And I think the worst part of all of that was my mom didn't make it. After three days, she passed away and my dad stopped showing up to check up on me and seeing how I was doing. And that was like the hardest part for a three year old. Being left completely, utterly alone, trying to grasp what was happening and just having encouragement, motivation that you're going to get through it. I didn't have that. So in that time when my dad rejected me and he didn't come see me, and I think it has to do with feeling guilty of not being able to help my mother and I when we were on fire and he just couldn't stand to see my face and him not showing up. I think he was just suppressing his emotions further down and pretty Much hiding himself, which is never really good, especially for a three year old that is trying to make sense of what was going on. So feeling rejected and not wanted was really hard for me. And this is where I'm able to take in a lot of like the memories because I didn't have anything else to do while I was trying to recover. So I really took in what the scenes of my life and in that such early age and that's how I was able to remember. Well, as soon as I was released from the hospital, then again my dad takes me to the orphanage and not having time to see my grandparents, talk with my siblings, it was just okay, take you from the hospital to the orphanage. Again feeling rejected. So I just, I think as I look back in that little moment, it was really hard for me because I was still so young. I'm still trying to develop. I'm like a toddler trying to like learn, learn life. And this is like a whole level of what I've gone through. And as I look back I realized that there's going to be so many rejections that people go through and rejection can be so hard. But many times it kind of like silenced you in a way that like God and come through because at times when we're like alone, that is when you could feel God's presence and you are trying to find answers and the answers usually comes from God and He's there even though you can't see Him. But you're not getting hurt. You're just, you know, the isolation really can do a lot of damages in many ways. But at the same time I know that God was with me during those silent time and he was nourishing me because there's many times he would put in thoughts of like my mother in my mind. And that was really comforting for me as a child. And I think that was kind of what was helping me to keep going because I knew in my heart that my mom was safe and I'll see her someday. 

Reginald D: Yes. And that's a lot to go through at three years old, you know. So you walk through emotional and mental abuse. At what point did trauma stop defining you and you start refining you. 

Avonley Lightstone: Yeah. So I think there was different phases in my life where I recognized that trauma in my life was only going to hinder me and hurt me. And there was different phases. When I was eight years old, I was being abused by my adopted mother. And I again she found a way that isolation for me was the key for her to get at me in emotional way. So yeah, she tormented me and like emotional abuse because I really did take it to her. And I started thinking of committing suicide and at such a young age and, and many times again, God was sending thoughts into my head. If you allow your mother to win, why would you move forward with this? Maybe, you know, like, maybe you'll have children in the future just like visions of what the future would look like. But if I gave up my life, then those visions of the future wouldn't ever come forward. And. And then I was allowing my mother to win. And so it was like, it started at a very young age where I recognized that trauma that I was going through was something I could either like build me or it could break me. I was already broken. And it sucks to be broken and feel like you're nothing. So to me, I just felt like it was better to be more positive because more people can react to you when they see that you're positive, even though you've gone through such hard time and it's relatable. And then they could do a lot more self reflection on their self and it motivates other people. And it wasn't until I got married, I first got pregnant with my first daughter when I realized a lot of the things that I was holding in inward was starting to purge out. Because at some point in your life when you're going through any sort of trauma, many people throw a lot of the baggage inward and they start suppressing it. And eventually what happens is one day it will start coming out because your body is trying to like purge that out because it's, it's toxic, it's poison and it doesn't need to be there. And it's part of like self healing. And when I was pregnant with my daughter, I realized like, what my mom did to me was abuse and I would never treat my daughter like this. So I needed to really go inward and heal myself. So then I don't pass like generational trauma onto her because she's not deserving of it. Nobody's deserving of passing what you've gone through and laying it onto another individual. And so I chose to cut that off and work through it on my own. So then I didn't pass it on and learn to be able to forgive my mother. And that was when I first got pregnant with my first daughter, is when I recognized I don't want my mother to have power over me and I can give that up to God and allow the choices that she makes to and have it on her. I could feel sorry for her. But I don't need to take that inward and continue to damage myself because it's not going to be worthy of, it's not going to help me to achieve what I want to become. It's only going to hurt me.

Reginald D: Absolutely. So how did you learn to forgive people who caused such a deep harm? And what did forgiveness look like for you in the beginning?

Avonley Lightstone: Yeah, you know, forgiveness was quite a process. It wasn't quite easy because I recognize before I used to feel like forgiveness is an exchange. Hey, I'm sorry that you did this to me. I need you to forgive me so then we can move forward like an exchange. But it's not like that. Forgiveness really is a relationship, a bond between you and God. And it can be defined completely different for everyone because our stories and our journeys are completely different. So my forgiveness process can be completely different from you because my journey is completely different. And the angle of how I see and perceive things can be completely different from the way you see. And so yeah, the process of forgiveness was completely different for me. For me I had to purge a lot of the stuff that I went through. And by doing that I wrote a lot of stuff down. I read a lot of self help books to kind of start reset my mind and reset my soul so then it could start thinking positively for myself. And then I ended up reaching out to my mom a few times, maybe like four or five times, just letting her know what the future has to hold if we continue the same path and also letting her know like that I forgave her of what had happened in the past. But let's keep moving on because now we have not my siblings, but we are starting to grow and siblings having their kids and we didn't want that to pass on to our children. So that is something I emphasize. And she was not wanting to do any of that. She was not wanting to change. She was comfortable in her own skin. Yes, many times I was angry and upset with her because I didn't understand how she could not see or what I was presenting as something that's harmful. But also like it's only going to benefit every single person in our family and it's going to be rooted in Christ. And I didn't see why she couldn't see that. But I realized then we can't change other people, we can only change ourself. And God finally told me like now you done what you could, like leave your mother to me and you continue going on your own path in your journey because she's not Willing to change. And I'm not the one to change her, but I planted that seed, allowing her to know that I had forgiven her. My door is kind of left open, so if she ever decides, hey, I want to move forward, then I can work with her. Other than that, like, I'm not. Not meant to be in her life anymore. And I moved forward, and there was, like, a weight lifted off of me. And God took away any, like, suicidal tendencies I've ever had, thoughts. He just, like, lifted that from me. And then when I look back at my life, I see now my life in a different angle. Like, it was a teacher. The past became like my teacher. And I grew a lot from it because of what I went through. So, yeah, that was just the process of the forgiveness I went through. 

Reginald D: Yes. So, Avonley, let's talk about this. Many survivors carry shame they never asked for. What shame did you have to confront and how did you release it? 

Avonley Lightstone: I was. I felt like I was ashamed of being me at a very young age when I lost my mother and my dad rejected me. It was that moment where I just didn't feel like I was wanted. And then when I was adopted and I was told and groomed that I was going to have, like, a loving family, but I didn't. Like, my dad was amazing, but my mom, she was extremely abusive to a lot of us kids. And again, I felt ashamed. I just being able to exist, I didn't exactly understand why I needed to be on earth. Like, if I didn't have a good life, if I couldn't make people happy, like, people closest to me, like my family, like, what was the point of me? And it wasn't until I realized as I was working with God, this is the cool thing about living on a ranch. We had a lot of land, and I could escape into the field, and that was how I was able to cope. Is out in nature. And I felt like being out in nature, God was really strong and present in my life, and he would nurture me. And it wasn't until, like, I think there was times where I knew that I'm never going to please my mom and it's okay. Eventually there's going to be somebody else that's going to recognize who I am and what my worth is, and I wouldn't have to feel ashamed. And so I had to learn how to be a better friend to myself and to other people and the way I treated other people, because that showed that there's some amazing people out there that cared for you as a human being and you cared for them. And so that brought a sense of like a relief knowing that there's no shame in who you are. And then eventually I would end up meeting somebody that would show me that, you know, your life matters. But it's just having hope. Having hope. Knowing that visually you have to visualize that something good is going to happen. And you got to set shame aside because shame a lot of the time is going to always suppress you and give you negative mindset and self sabotaging. And if we can conquer that and replace it with adversaries, with replacement of like good words and good intention to ourselves, we really do end up starting to heal. Reginald D: Yes, absolutely. Because, you know, you hit one of the words of strong that you said, and that was hope, even though you don't see it. But the only thing that's going to sustain you is hope during the process. The hope is what keeps you from giving up in the journey to get into where you want to go in life.

Reginald D: So I really like the way you put that. So what is the core message behind your book Strength of Scars? And why was now the right time to share it with the world? 

Avonley Lightstone: Yeah, so Strength of Scars is a book about my life and the abuse and traumas that I went through. But I also explain, like, how if you're ever stuck in a position that I am in, how you can look at in a different angle for yourself in your own situation. I titled the book Strength of Scars because scars is relatable for everyone, whether you have internal scars or external. Like, we all have some sort of scars and even Jesus Christ himself has scars and he shows them. A perfect man that walked on this earth has scars and he went through all the pain to set that example, knowing, like, scars are painful, but you don't need to hide away because he shows his scars to us and he tells us his story is spreading. And so it's almost like if God has those scars and he is sharing his scars with other people and it's impacting others, then we can do the same thing. We can use our scars as a testimony of what we went through. So see it as strength in who you are. Don't let it be a victim. Don't let it become a point where you become a victim and you can't rise above. Eventually you're going to have to see that scar and the person that's going to have to stand up is you and see the strength that you went through. Reginald D: Yeah, and I really admire you because many people hide their wounds but you chose to reveal yours. You know, what gave you the courage to be this transparent? Avonley Lightstone aker A: I actually, it's funny that you say that because I have always been insecure about a lot of my traumas and scars in my life. And it wasn't until I went through the forgiveness and I was healed from suicidal tendencies and I was feeling like a lot of freedom. And then God was like, you need to write that book. You need to write your story because it's going to help other people. And I was like, no, I don't want to. That's something I left behind. And he's like, that's not your story to tell. I'm using your story as a testimony to help build my kingdom. And I couldn't fight from that. I just felt like, okay, you know what? All right, this is something I'm just going to have to let out and just help other people. But yes, it was hard for me and it took a while, but I think the way he helped me write it was really beautiful and it will help touch a lot of people. And it also emphasizes that, guys, we have scars and we have wounds. A lot of people are hurting. But if we work on healing ourselves, we can start becoming a ripple effect and help other people. And it starts with us. And we know we have a network of people in our group. And if we help that network, you know, just imagine all the lights within ourselves starts flipping on around the world when we share our stories and the scars and how it defined us and refined us. And it is like a process where God refines us and makes us gold. 

Reginald D: Yes. Because everything he does is basically for his glory. Even though sometimes we don't want to do it, but at the end of the day, it's for his glory. So we have to be obedient. You know, we have to be obedient. 

Avonley Lightstone: Absolutely. 

Reginald D: So, Avonley if you could sit with your 3 year old self today, what would you tell her about the life she would one day build? 

Avonley Lightstone: I would definitely give my three year old self a hug because I know that that three year old self went through so much. I would definitely give her a hug and let her know, like, hey, we survived. This is me and this is what we went through. And you're going to go through a lot of hardship, so stay strong. But eventually there is going to be that light at the end of the tunnel. So keep going, keep moving forward and just know that, you know, letting her know that there is somebody really important who is gone that's going to be protecting her. And leading her along the way and stay like, stay close to him because he's the one that's going to really help move her. 

Reginald D: Well put. Well put. So what's one thing you wish people understood about trauma survivors that is often overlooked? 

Avonley Lightstone: I would say a lot of times when people are silent and quiet, that doesn't mean people are going through, like, they're not going through trauma. Because many times people can have a face that makes them look like, oh, there's nothing going on. They're super happy, excited. But if they say something that's discouraging, please listen to them. Because it takes a lot of courage for somebody that's gone through trauma to speak up. Because they're vulnerable, they feel ashamed. They feel like they're not worthy. They want to be able to feel like this doesn't exist and they want to feel normal. But they also recognize that they have this problem that needs to be fixed. And reaching out to somebody is what's going to really help them. And if, let's say, their friend or somebody in their group doesn't believe them because they've always been happy and they have shown that face of someone that's never gone through, like, trauma doesn't mean that they haven't gone through it. I'm sorry, Go ahead, just hear them out.

Reginald D: Right, Exactly. Because, you know, one thing people have to understand, if you haven't walked a mile in someone's shoes, you know, sometimes being a good listener is the best thing you can do. You know, instead of trying to judge, somebody was saying, hey, that's not that bad. You should get over it, and all of that kind of stuff. You're not that person. You wasn't there in the moment when things happen, you know, you're not there in the sleepless nights and when a person's up thinking about all the things that happened to them. So I think, like you say, the best thing to do is just listen to them, right?

Avonley Lightstone: Yeah, exactly. Because I think if we are willing to listen to other people, what you're doing is you're helping heal them. Because many times people just want to be heard. And if they can be heard, it releases so much of what they're holding inside themselves. And not only that, but you can also help the individual that's going through, like, that's listened to you. They can use the tidbit of what you went through and maybe even recognize signs of what's going on in their life. Maybe they're having relationship problem and they didn't recognize, oh, you Know those aha moments. And if we're willing to listen, then it could be a benefit for both parties. 

Reginald D: Yes. Yes. So, Avonley, is someone listening right now is going through trauma or feels voiceless? What is one message you want to speak directly into their heart? 

Avonley Lightstone: Yeah. You matter. I know when somebody's going through so much trauma, one thing that they do is sabotage themselves, saying that they're not good enough, they deserve it. And when they start thinking this way, they tend to stay stuck in that cycle. I say I break out of it. Because you do matter. You are cared for, you're loved. Even though you might not feel it at the time, you are loved. There's people that would look at a position that you're in and know that that is something that you shouldn't be going through and that you deserve a lot more. So start believing in who you are. Start believing in yourself, knowing what you want to become. Start visualizing your future so then you can start making it a reality because you matter. You are cared. You are loved by the father. You are loved by other people you might not see. But as you start self reflecting on yourself and healing inward, what's going to happen is you're going to start branching out, opportunities that's going to come to you, and you'll start to realize how many people that you're starting to attract that see the good in you. So give yourself hope and look at the end, like, visualize what your future is going to hold and do your very best to run to that vision that you have because you're worth it. 

Reginald D: Great. So, Avonley, I have what I call rapid fire questions. Right. This is emotional plus inspirational number one. What word will give me one word that describes the woman you are today? 

Avonley Lightstone: I would say empathetic. 

Reginald D: Okay.

 Avonley Lightstone: Yeah.

 Reginald D: What does healing mean to you in one sentence? 

Avonley Lightstone: Healing means to me in one sentence is you can become. Hold on. This is in one sentence. 

Reginald D: We can do more than one. 

Avonley Lightstone: Okay. 

Reginald D: What does healing mean to you? 

Avonley Lightstone: Healing means to me something that you overcame that you thought was impossible. Something you overcame that you thought it was impossible.

Reginald D: Got it? Got it. That's good. Give me a habit that protects your peace. 

Avonley Lightstone: I would say a really good habit is taking care of yourself. Get up, make your bed, you know, have a clean space, because having a clean space will really help bring a lot more healing because it's not cluttered and you're able to bring the spirit in and be able to help yourself faster. 

Reginald D: Okay. And lastly, the biggest lie trauma told you and the truth that replaced it denial. 

Avonley Lightstone: Like when you're in denial, that's going to keep you stuck. But once you recognize that denying what you went through, like denying what you went through is only going to hold you back. Once you recognize that, it become a spiral effect of healing and you hold other people accountable for their own actions. And you don't need to do that. 

Reginald D: Okay, so lastly, Av, how can people follow you or purchase your book? 

Avonley Lightstone: Yeah, so you can get my book on Amazon, Strength of Scars. You can get the first two chapters of my book on my website, avelinelightstone.com and you can also follow me on any social media at Avonley Lightstone. 

Reginald D: Okay. 

Avonley Lightstone: It would be awesome to have you guys because I'm trying to grow this so then we can help each other heal. 

Reginald D: Absolutely. Absolutely. There you have it. Avonley Lightstone. Thank you so much, Avonley, for being on the show. 

Avonley Lightstone: Thank you so much. It was amazing. Awesome being on your show. And I just wish anyone that's out there that's struggling, have hope in yourself because you can overcome it when you believe in yourself. 

Reginald D: Absolutely. Absolutely. Thank you so much. 

Avonley Lightstone: Thank you. 

Reginald D: Thank you for listening to Real Talk With Reginald D. If you enjoyed listening to Real Talk with Reginald D, please rate and review on Apple Podcast. See you next time.