Life As An NFL Player's Wife To A Journey Of Faith, Identity And Empowering Women And WAGS (Inspirational)

In this episode, Reginald D had the pleasure of speaking with Eileen Noyes, a remarkable woman who wears many hats: wife, mother of eight, author, speaker, coach and founder of the Lady Bellator movement. Eileen's journey is both inspiring and multifaceted, as she shares her experiences of navigating the challenges of family life while finding her identity and purpose.

After marrying her now ex-husband, who played in the NFL, Eileen faced the complexities of being in the public eye. She candidly discusses the challenges of feeling invisible and the struggle to maintain her identity amidst the pressures of being a pro athlete's wife. 

Throughout our conversation, Eileen emphasizes the importance of trusting God during difficult times and the power of forgiveness. She shares how she rebuilt her life and found purpose in mentoring other women, particularly those in the sports community, through her movement, Lady Bellator. This initiative aims to empower women to embrace their God-given purpose and navigate the unique challenges they face.

Eileen's story is a testament to resilience, faith, and the importance of community. She encourages listeners to recognize their worth and to seek their own identities beyond their roles as wives or mothers. This episode is a powerful reminder of the strength that comes from trusting in God and the impact one can have by sharing their journey with others.

Eileen's links:

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/eileennoyes

Instagram - https://www.instagram.com/eileenpnoyes

 LinkedIn - https://www.linkedin.com/in/eileenpnoyes 

Lady Bellator Website: https://www.ladybellator.com

The Unsidelined life Podcast: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/the-unsidelined-life/id1759219138

Purchase Eileen's books: https://www.amazon.com/stores/author/B0CXD2Y4RP

Transcript

Welcome to Real Talk with Reginald D. I'm your host, Reginald D. On today's episode, I have Eileen Noyes. Eileen is a wife, mom of eight, author, speaker, and a host of Unsidelined Podcast. She is also a mentor to wives and girlfriends of pro athletes and founder of the Lady Bellator, which is a movement she created to help women lost in the shuffle of family life find their identity, their voice, and their sense of purpose. Eileen, Thank you so much for taking time out of your busy schedule. You got such a powerful and multifaceted story. I mean, a wife, mom of eight, author, speaker, coach, and founder of Lady Bellator. That's Yeah, I mean, when you have that many kids, it's just this mentality that It's just comes with the territory. So guess it's good in a sense that a lot of kids makes like writing and speaking. It's almost like it's okay. And it's weird. It's like an oxymoron because I'm so busy. You would think that I'd go, I have no time for this, but I'm driven. I have a story to tell when I was going through my hardest times, I was like, God, if I have to go through this, get glory. And that's in that season that I'm in that I went through a hard season. God got me through, there was a time of like, Lord, like, when are you gonna use this? Like, is this all in vain? And he used that time, I would say about four years of quiet, where it was established home life, make sure the kids are okay, you know, just, I went basically from surviving to stabilizing and to now thriving. And so as things are set in place, and of course, there's different seasons, I just feel like he's saying, all right, we're on the move. Let's do this. And so I'm so excited because I get to share God's goodness in a way that I have not. You know, it's like just different pockets or people who know me, but I feel like there's a shift of, of him just saying it's go time. Yes, absolutely. Absolutely. It's definitely your season. Definitely. So Aline, can you tell us about where you grew up and what was your childhood like? I grew up in California, had four brothers. I would say just nothing majorly, you know, significant in the sense of childhood. Being the older or the only girl, I would say I was on the spoiled side and I was, you know, raised Catholic. And so I always felt like I had a, no one ever like forced me to go to church. I felt like there was always a sense and a presence of God, but it was like, he was like, um, More like the president, more like, okay, I know he's supposed to be for me, but he doesn't know me personally. And so it wasn't until I saw his hand moving probably when I was in college. So I was promiscuous doing all these things. I was at a school in California, Cal Poly San Luis Obispo, and then transferred over to Colorado state. And so just like moving from one college to another, I felt like I was doing the wrong things at, you know, Cal Poly. Then I transferred over to Colorado state playing volleyball there and it was getting into, you know, just the bad stuff again. And, and then I got an internship in San Diego as a strength coach. So at San Diego state, I was a strength coach. So I was all the athletes and what happened was, you know, I felt like, okay, I can start all over. You can start, um, fresh. No one knows me. No one knows my background. No one knows, you know, my bad history. Let me start all over. And I found this pattern again of me trying on my own to be better to not do the things like the drinking and the partying and, you know, the, you know, promiscuity. And God, he just started revealing himself to me. There was always that longing. And I was like, I felt like I was saying, Eileen, I'm showing you like the junk and not in a shameful way. It was here. You're trying to do this on your own. Let me like, take my hand. And that's, I literally felt like I was on this cliff and I would say, God, I got it. I could do this. And I finally said, okay, I have to let go and I'm going to take your hand. And so that's what he did. So spiritually speaking, like, yeah, that's what happened in 1997. So my position as a strength coach, which was physical strength coach, like with sports and, you know, just sports specific training with agility, speed, all those things, it turned also into a spiritual strength coach. And so here I had this like boss who was not a Christian, but God's favor was on me that he never said anything I would do Bible studies after hours in the weight room, I would pray with athletes. I would take them to church. And so. I had this purpose and like in San Diego, it was the rock church. So Miles McPherson was, um, the pastor who I got saved under and when he was at horizon, but they actually moved the rock at that time to the campus. So here I'm trying to drive athletes to. You know, to the church and then they brought the church to the campus. So I would just invite them. So my ex-husband, he actually played football for San Diego state, and then he got drafted to the Packers. And so he was there for a year, actually in the midst of that long story, but he got saved also while the first year when he was at green Bay. And then I followed suit the year after. So that changed everything, got married. You know, I went from like having purpose, knowing what I wanted to do that single time in my life was so precious to me because, you know, nothing compares to one getting saved, but then to bring other people to Christ. And so I love that time. And then stepping into marriage, knowing, and I always knew it like, okay, like people would say, do you want to like be a head strength coach? Do you want to, you know, keep pursuing this? And I said, I love doing this. but I know that my role is supposed to be mom and wife. And if God calls me to that, then I'm going to set all that aside and, you know, do that. That would be my first priority. And that's what happened. Um, got married not much later. I think I got pregnant like six months later. That was not our plan. You know, it was like, let's try to wait three years. And once we got pregnant, I was like, okay, well, let's just keep on going. And I didn't plan on having this many. Like that was not my thing, but I heard, I think it was Pastor Vodibakam, he was talking about leaving the legacy. And I just remember after hearing that, I was like, God, I will have as many kids as you want me to have. And I in my, like, I call my little my vanity, I was like, God, I'll do that. But can you get me back to my pre baby weight? And literally, and he's, you know, God's humorous. So I would literally get back to my weight. And then I'd get pregnant. Like right after that. So it was like, he said, that's what you asked for. That's what I'm going to do. So I had seven kids, um, with my husband. Well, I had eight, but I say seven because all was well, he was a very outspoken Christian. We together serve the Lord. We raised our family in the ways of the Lord. And so, yeah, so we just, you know, that was our calling and we shared Christ in the community. We shared Christ on the teams or on the team. And unfortunately, and I don't know if I'm jumping the gun, but this is just part of my story, is unfortunately, about six years after he got done playing, so he played nine years, he started, he shifted our beliefs and he started listening to this teaching, influenced by the black Hebrew Israelites. So all of a sudden it was, let's get back to the law. You know, at first I'm like, okay, this is weird, but you know, I wanted to be a submissive wife. So I'm doing this, but not knowing, like we're stepping into this thing that we didn't know. So there's nothing necessarily wrong with, you know, doing the Sabbath and stuff like that. But it was like, you don't do anything. You shut down everything, like no TV, no, and no buying things. We couldn't like purchase things from dawn until the next, you know, until Saturday at dawn or dusk. And. So it's just this thing of like not understanding it and not agreeing with it, but trying to be submissive. And the one thing that I knew for sure was like, okay, this is office. He came to me one day and he says, you know, you're not created in the image of God. Right. And I was like, what? And if you knew his personality is kind of like a, like a shock factor kind of guy. And. I said, you know, what are you talking about? He goes, no, you're not creating the image of God. And he was referencing, I think it's 1 Corinthians where Paul is talking about headship. So he's saying, you know, for God is the head of man, man is the head of woman. And he says, or in the Bible it says, for man is created in the image of glory of God. Woman is created for the glory of man. And so because Paul didn't say woman is created, in the image of God and for the glory of man. That was the conclusion that he came into. And so what started out was, it's not a big deal, you know, exposing, you know, yourself or stepping into a lie. It was, I could tell that shift, like this relationship of us being complimentary. We're so opposite, but, you know, we compliment each other. It was like kind of, he was like kind of like bad cop. I was a good cop. You know, he would share on the team and he would kind of be abrasive. Like he, I mean, there was a lot of fires that we had to put out where he would say like, you guys are going to hell. Like, okay, don't come that way. You know, so a lot of the wives were coming back to me and going, I mean, what is he saying? What is he doing? And so we had a temper in that. And so this place of, you know, being opposites and complimentary to each other, all of a sudden, I could feel and sense that my voice was being shut up to where, you know, comments like, hey, God is not hearing your prayers because you're not creating the image of God. Or, you know, you're supposed to be a clone of me. And then it became, you know, you got to cover your head because, you know, because I'm your covering. And if, you know, if you're married, you really don't have one, or you have to go back to your father. So it was this thing of, you can't communicate with God without a man. And so that confusion, like knowing solidly, like I knew solidly who I was in Christ, but when someone you love, who is your head, who's your covering is telling you over and over, it's going to mess with you. And it did. And so it just, um, it was very hard, very difficult. I remember there were times I was in my prayer closet when I knew I had to like step it up, like going, okay, God, what's going on. There was times where I had my blanket and I'd go. I'd cover my head and I'd say, like, God, do you hear me now? So it was such confusion because I thought, OK, if I take this off, he's not going to hear me now. I put it on, he is. And so it was in our home. We lost sight of grace. We lost sight of mercy. Yeah. Yeah. Very big change. So you I did. Um, yeah. And it was slowly. So this is what happened. There was a point where here I'm, you know, again, I'm trying to be submissive and, and, you know, my thing is even though people knew there was a small group of women who knew what was going on and they're telling me, this is dangerous. You got to go. I'm like, I'm not leaving. Like I got to know it's clearly from God. And so my thing was, Lord, you have to speak to me. There's so much noise. I need to hear from you. And so. There was a point where I knew he was saying, or he just showed to me because of what was going on, this is no longer submitting to your husband as unto the Lord. This is not of me. When I saw this website, so he, you know, he, what he wanted to do was he wanted to take us to the headquarters, I call it, you know, so it was in a different state. And I'm like, okay, there's no way we can go. And actually, when he first told me we're supposed to go on vacation. We didn't go on vacation. He says, Hey, we're going to go here instead. So as I'm looking at this, this website, I'm seeing. Okay. You know, the flat earth don't eat pork. Are you going to hell? He wanted to bring us to this place. And we had people interceding people, like trying to, you know, say, Hey, don't go. And so his first thing was okay. Like after all these people, like pleading with him, he said, you know, fine. We're not going to go the next day. He says, you know, I'm going to go. with, and I'm going to bring the oldest two. And then the next day he said, you know, I'm going to go with or without you. I'm taking all of them. And I'm, and you know, and he's like, I'm not, um, he's like, yeah, with or without you, I'm taking the kids. And so I knew at that point, again, looking at this website and hearing different things, I was like, this is actually my, one of my kids overheard that they were going to pray the Jezebel spirit out of me. So I just knew if we were going to go over there, it was not going to be a good situation. was kind of like going into the devil's playground because I already saw how just, you know, deceived, unfortunately, he was and things like that. And so we actually had to have an escape plan. And this was, again, like, God's, like, leading, it wasn't, you know, the influence of like, people, it was like, in threes, it's like, you know, I had a call from someone that said, hey, you know, do you have a place to stay? And I'm like, why would I need a place to stay? And then someone calls and says, do you have a place to stay? Like, you know, you need to, um, like, cause these were the people that kind of knew the situation. And I said, I'm not like leaving. How can I, you know, I'm like, why would I leave? Why would I leave my kids? And so the third call that came through was Eileen, if you need a place to stay, you can stay with us. And then within that timeframe, actually it was, um, It was his boss at the job that he was at. He called me and he says, I mean, he goes, you need to do two things. He goes, you need to get a family lawyer and you need to get out of it. It's dangerous situation. And so all of this was like promptings by the Lord to just take the next step. It wasn't divorce. It was step away. So that I can deal with him step away so that you're protecting the kids. And so this whole thing, when I said that I had seven, I had no idea that I was pregnant with number eight. So here I'm, you know, thinking I'm protecting seven. And I just had two miscarriages before that. So it was like, God, you know, using this time to make sure, cause I just feel like if I had gone on this trip, it would have been such, I mean, it was a two years already of like, you know, very like conflict and stress and things like that. But I knew that if I had gone, it would not have been a good situation. And so basically after, you know, stepping away, he ended up going to, he eventually ended up going over there. And once he went, it just was never the same. You know, it was, um, we were trying, uh, counseling, you know, marriage counseling and the first four were okay. And then before the fifth meeting, that's when he ended up going to that place. When he came back, it was like a different person. It was, I'm not talking to anybody. The only covering is that person, you know, in, you know, in that, in that, um, organization. And so I knew at that point, it's like, okay, like he is not my covering. I'm not part of this. And even still, I would say the whole time as he is, you know, stepping away, I'm like, Lord, you can do anything and trust you. And you can do this. Like, you know, that, that fine line of believing. God can move mountains, God can turn hearts. Praying with my kids to say, guys, we're believing. Like we're believing, we're trusting God that, you know, he hears us. He says that we pray according to his will, all these things, but there's a fine line that everybody has free will. And so as I'm praying with the kids and him choosing to, you know, to divorce me, it was like, even still, Lord, I trust you. You can do anything. But having to even navigate through to tell my kids, Hey, this, you know, this happened, you know, he's married now or he, you know, he's, he wants a divorce. And then when he got married again, so he's divorced me, I'm still trusting God and believing. And even at that point where I'm thinking, God, I don't even want this. I forgive. I choose to like use. The tools you've given me, I'm praying for him. I'm playing blessings over him. I forgive him. I don't want this, but you can do it at anything. And I'm thinking about the kids, of course. And so as he chose to divorce, I'm still going, Lord, you can do anything. I just want to be obedient. But then when I heard that he had a child, that's when I was like, God, what is he going to do? Leave another family to come back to us? I'm like, Lord, I've tried. And that's when he was speaking to me and he used that scripture, you know, and it says like the, um, if the nonbeliever wants to stay, the, you know, he's, he's there to remain married. But if the nonbeliever wants to leave the believer, she'll be at peace. And I've heard that scripture tons of times, but I didn't, it didn't dawn on me. He was no longer a believer. He literally denounced the faith. And so God brought that script to me to say. He is stepping away. He doesn't want to stay. You shall be at peace. And it was like, again, like three times I could hear it. I hear it. I hear it again. I'm like, and I just felt like, okay, like I felt this piece because I'm like struggling at this time going, this sucks. God, I didn't do this. I didn't want this. I'm trying. And so when he, like I said, when he had that first child, that's when I had to go back to the kids. And I'm like, guys, like, I don't think he's not coming back. we just pray, we love, we forgive, and, you know, just honoring their father and making sure that they know it's not their fault, that they know that they're loved, that they know that God is good, and that, you know, God can't force anybody. And so, you know, this is what, eight years later, to still have Holy Spirit navigate all these different situations, all these, like, you know, my one and only daughter, she's three at the time, now she's 10. So her questions are changing. You know, so it's like, you know, just like asking Holy Spirit, how do I guide her through that? How do I guide all these kids through it? My youngest never has met his dad. So that, that conversation, God, how do I deal with this one? I have that conversation. The oldest, and this is the encouraging part is, you know, I think when you're hurt, you know, it's, you're tempted to not forgive. You're tempted to be bitter. You're tempted to like say, well, he did this and he did that. And I didn't want to do that. And so my oldest, who's 22, he texted me last week and he says, mom, he said, I'm reading Galatians. And he says, gosh, dad missed that. He said, it's hard for me to read this because it's so obvious. And so to trust that I didn't have to, you know, it's like I had to navigate through in this way that they understood why we had to step away, but for them to learn for themselves, like how God is and how it's not about those things. I'm just thankful that God's covering us. He's got us. He is going to restore what the locusts stole. So I don't know. I mean, as hard as it was, I can't even like, there's no regrets. There's definitely no regrets because of all those kids. And I can't change the past, but I'm thankful for the depth and intimacy in knowing God the way I do. I'm thankful that he is going to take care of these kids and he's going to, you know, he's going to use this as their stories and, you know, just their purpose. And I know that he's using this with me now, just like we, you know, we were talking about before we, you know, started recording. It's like, this is go time. And I'm, I know that this is time for me to, um, to give God glory and to share his goodness through like the hardest of stroke circumstances. And Yes, absolutely. And I'll let you say one thing. I think the way it worked for you is because what you were going through at the time, you kept saying, God, I trust you. You kept that. regardless of what was going on. And then you see how it evolved, you know, and how it evolved. Even your kids, like, you're trying to explain this and wondering what you're going to explain and this kind of stuff. And like I say, your oldest, he already see it. And like, hey, this, that, man, that missed it. You know, it was just like, God was already in the midst of Yes. Yes. And he's been faithful. And yeah, like, I mean, there's no other way. Like, I can't even imagine going through something like that. without like without God. And I know that there were choices like I could have been bitter and to choose not to and not to say that there's you know, like there's things I need to work through. There's a lot of healing that needs to take place in me that I didn't realize like now that I'm remarried, I could see the different triggers. I can see the different like ways that I can guard my heart. But like God is still he's still he's faithful. He's using it and then he's still like equipping me. It's like that the one actually, here's another scripture that he used. Because I was, you know, told I wasn't in the image of God, I would try to argue. But that scripture, I think it's second Corinthians 318, where it says we all with unveiled face are becoming more like the image of God going from glory to glory. Like, when he showed me that I was like, okay, cool. This is not at all like, I'm never going to doubt this again. And I just thought cool, like it was like a mic drop kind of thing. But I didn't realize how much he used that first part, but he was saying, you're basically my life verse or what is such a theme is the going from glory to glory part. You know, it's like, there's always like, you know, it's like here I thought, Oh, I learned spiritual warfare and I'm good to go. But it's like, Oh, next you're learning this next. And so that's just kind of, you know, where I'm at. And like, we've talked about like understanding the kingdom mentality. Oh man. Like, I love talking about that. I love sharing that. I love just knowing my identity in Christ and being able to, like, encourage the kids, guys, learn this young. I So... Yes, yes, absolutely. Absolutely. So, let me ask you a question. So, after all of that, and your husband and you all separated, went to separate ways and divorced family, how did you rebuild your life, you know, Well, I mean, and mind you, this is all in the public eye. So, you know, it was hard to navigate, like trying to keep it private. And that was always my thing. But what happened is the news became involved and things like that. And so it was exposed. It kind of exposed itself. And so, um, as I'm trying to keep things private and really just focusing on the kids, like I said, I went from. just stabilizing, just understanding like I'm mom and I'm dad. I have to learn how to do the finances. I have to learn how to mow the lawn, jumpstart the car, you know, all these things. It was just like tunnel vision that I didn't, like I said, because it was a limelight, there was stories, there was news, it was Sports Illustrated, all this stuff. And it was like, I can't even focus on that. Like, I just want to make life as normal as possible for my kids. And so in that, that was what I was focused on. And like I said, I had no, like before he made it clear that I should go in peace, people were trying to set me up. And this is like three or four years, you know, after this happened, people are trying to set me up with people. And I'm like, I have no time. I'm not bitter toward men. I just have no time for that. And so when he made it clear, you shall be at peace, then all of a sudden my heart is stirring for like, gosh, I would like companionship and, you know, all these things. And so, you know, before that happened, that's when I started writing. That's when I started blogging. That's when I felt like it was a couple of years of him, like equipping me, just bringing back the joy. I didn't realize how much joy I had lost. And so it was like marriage, that yucky stuff, isolation and focusing on the kids, but at that time, strengthening me to know my identity in Him. And so with that, with joy, making sure I'm doing what He's calling me to do, it was a place of peace that I've never known. And so I'm just living life, starting to write, doing these things. And then as God brought my husband, which is funny, this is a whole other story, but through online, you know, there's a funny story with that, but it's like, oh my gosh, like, that's crazy that God did it in that way. But the interesting thing is, as we were seeing that, you know, and seeking the Lord on our marriage, I had this feeling like, oh my gosh, Lord, me being married, does that mean I have to go back in the shadows again? So in that, it was just that struggle of like, gosh, there's definitely some things In regards to marriage, where I definitely need healing, I need to know God's truth about how he sees marriage, how he sees headship, how he sees, you know, like the role of a wife and a husband. So all these things, it's like, Let me ask you a question, because you said something about, you know, when the whole situation happened between your ex-husband and it came to the limelight, that word stuck out to me when you said that. So being in the limelight, because I just had this down as one of my questions, because I know a couple wives that had husbands that were NFL players, you know, being in the limelight as an NFL player's wife in the public eye, What was that like for you balancing the spotlight, family, and then your identity? Because a couple of people I talked to, I was like, hey, you know, they were like, I can't stand football. I'm like, well, why? Your husband play the football. That's why I can't stand it. You know, it was like something that was lost in. I think one was telling me that the husband had a lot of outside stuff going on outside of the house and felt empowered because he's making this money and doing all this kind of stuff. So what was that kind of like Um, for me, it was, it was definitely hard. Like I said, like before I got married, I knew who I was. I had purpose. And I mean, literally the day that I flew to green Bay was the day that I got married. Everything changed. I didn't know anybody. I had no purpose. I had like no job. I had no one. I mean, I went from like days, like, you know, like I worked from 6 00 AM to 6 PM having interaction with hundreds of people to. being in a duplex all by myself and then going to games on Sunday. And thankfully there was a Bible study, a couple study with the team or some of the players, but it really took a long time to acclimate because I was trying to look for a church, like here's what situation, I'm going to a church. And so, of course he's not going because he's playing, I go to a church I go to his church and I just didn't feel like it was a good fit. And I asked him, Hey, can I look around? I go to this other church. I didn't realize it was the guest speaker. And so I'm going to this church, I'm coming home and I'm saying, Hey, this church, I really liked this church, you know, everything. It just seems to be fitting. And so when he, I thank you to buy, we ended up going to that church and it was the pastor that was there. And so. No joke. I'm we're at the back and we want to go talk to the pastor. He completely walks past me and goes right to my husband and, oh my gosh, all these things. And he took him in the back to talk about tithing. So those kinds of things, it's like, you do feel invisible. I remember a situation where there was a player, we were going out to eat. There was a player and probably at the time, like he was way big and I could see the wife seething because people would ask him for his autograph. And I just saw, and I was thinking, you know what, like, that's a choice. I don't have to, you know, like fans, they don't know, like we can put our boundaries down, but I don't want them to control me and my, you know, my, I don't want to be frustrated because, you know, they're wanting his attention or anything like that. Like I said, we can put boundaries down, but I don't want to be a slave to those situations. I mean, gosh, there's a lot of things like because of lack of purpose, I ended up with, I had a shopping addiction. So not only was, you know, just feeling like, you know, what's my purpose. And I started having kids even still, it was like, you know, it's like you become a shell of yourself and you don't even realize it, you know, and you, you just become the wife of, or you find something to cling to. And every, every wife handles it differently. Some try to be in the same limelight and try to kind of compete I, you know, even still is like, I wasn't trying to do that, but it's like, what do I cling to as an identity? Oh, I'm the one that has a lot of kids, you know? And it's, so it just kinda, you don't, you don't realize it. And you're just, you're looking for acceptance and you're looking for purpose. And I knew, see, this is the thing, and this is why I'm drawn, like I have my movement is I know I'm meant to be wife. I know I'm meant to be mom, but there's so many gifts and there's so many things in me. that were stirring. And it's like, okay, like, I felt like I had to completely put it on the shelf, that there was no purpose outside of that. And so God was showing me, hey, there's seasons, there's total like season of like, hands on mom time. But that ends that ends in the sense of like, like, no doubt, like the consumption of praying for my kids and different things like that, that's always going to be there. But if my purpose just came from changing diapers and cooking and cleaning, well, what happens? They're all going to leave me like the arrows, right? So does that mean my purpose ends there? No. And so I've just come into this and it's taken years for me to understand that and to fully embrace like, hey, I do have purpose, you know, like, I mean, I can go on and on about these things, but I love that being in this place that I'm at now. As an older woman, I totally feel this calling and this heart to be the older woman, to teach the younger ones how to love their husbands and love their kids. And so my heart is to reach these women in the NFL, in pro sports, because to me, I just think like God has given us a short window of opportunity to make big impact. And when I say that, it's like, you know, you have platform. How are you going to use it in that short time? Are you going to sustain the money? Are you going to be able to grow it? Because the statistics are 80% go broke, 80% divorce. Unfortunately, I hate even being part of that statistic, but thank God that he's using and redeeming me. But for me to be able to reach out again and help these women to be proactive, to say, hey, like I've gone before you. This is how to prepare. This is how you be the honoring wife. It's how, but don't be over responsible for his bad behavior, you know? So it's like this, this fine line of like, be his biggest cheerleader, do the right things, honor him, respect him, be, you know, just do these things. But again, like You have to set your boundaries in marriage, set your boundaries with family, with expectations, with finances. And so that bitterness comes when you don't like, it's like there's this thing called. rookie symposium and it's for the men it's for the guys when they get into the league but the thing is understandably so these guys they just got these big contracts they're not listening to you know this is how you deal with sports agents this is how you deal with media this is how you deal with family they're kind of tuning it out which is understand but if they have something for the wives because the wives they have that ear to be more conscientious of that and so my heart is for them and not only with all those things but for her to know how she can contend in the faith for her husband, for her children, for her community, and then to know her identity. Like, I just think that these are women who can make a big impact in so many different ways, rather than the wife of, and how good she looks in this dress, or, you know, just those things. And I was caught up in it too. I didn't know, you know, it's like, I'm not like I was, yes, I was a Christian, but for sure, there was things that I stressed about or things that I, that were important that looking back, like I could have done more. I could have been more, I could have, you know, made better impact or, you know, just different things rather than being caught up in the way I looked or, you know, stuff like Yeah. So is that why you, uh, you know, you Yes. I, you know, so there's this term, I didn't realize it was like a, it was actually in Wikipedia. So we know this, you know, if you're in it. And especially for me, like, you know, like there's wives and girlfriends. And whenever I would talk about what I wanted to do, I never wanted to exclude the girlfriends. Cause I know that there's kind of a status thing in it. Like, you know, when you're in it and you're, you're just a girlfriend, you kind of get this vibe. Sometimes not all the times, but you have this thing. Oh, like you're just a girlfriend. Like the wives can sometimes act like that. Oh, like, and so their lesson. And so as I'm reaching out to these people, these women, It's hard to say, I'm helping pro-athlete wives and girlfriends. And I found out, like, as I'm looking at, you know, we're trying to figure out how do we, how do we like title this? I'm like, well, wives and girlfriends. I'm like, well, we are known as WAGs. And then I looked, I'm like, oh my gosh, this is literally an official thing. that that's what they're called. So it makes my job easier to say, I help wags get out of the shadows to live out their full calling in the Lord. So that's, you know, I say, yeah, that's what the term is, but yes, I'm not Yeah, yeah, you did. And that's awesome. That's awesome. Because I've heard that, you know, when you have the wives and the girlfriends, I've heard this multiple times that some of the wives are like roofless at like some of these events. and they treat them kind of It is, it's hard. And I, you know, I, like, I felt like, cause this is what, let me just tell you. So I was looking at a post the other day, I think it was about, um, some player and it was like a Facebook post and it said, congratulations to so-and-so and fiance on their second child. And in my mind, I'm thinking like, why is she not like, you know, like I'm thinking that, And then I'm reading all these comments on like, oh, look, she's got it made. And, you know, so people from the outside in are making their judgments. And it frustrates me because I'm just like, you guys have no idea. And then I was thinking about all the women I know, including myself, that I'm like, you know what? I had a life. I had a job. I had something going. And so did all these other women. It was women who chose to set their lives or careers aside, which was already going on, to step into this place of a wife. And I know they're out there, but they're very, very small amount where it's like, oh, like the gold diggers or the ones who just are hoping I don't want to marry to hit the lottery kind of thing. And so I had compassion for those girls. And so, yeah, so some ended up leaving and some ended up, you know, like getting married. And I mean, gosh, there's stereotypes through the whole thing. Like this funny, like in my situation and my ex was so extreme, the way that he saw it was the bigger the ring, you know, the wedding ring or the engagement ring, the more the cheating. And so that's what he saw. Oh, she has a big ring. She's okay because she knows he cheats. So she's okay because she's kind of getting the finances. And in some ways it was like that, but my ex was so extreme. I did not have a diamond on my ring. Like he wanted to custom make it. And I'm like, Hey, what is it going to look like? And all these things. And I had nothing on there. And so it was like, And he wanted it to be a direct correlation. You don't have a diamond because I'm not going to cheat on you. That was like, that was like his kind of thing. And that was like, we had to walk through and eventually got a diamond. But those are the things that go on is the stereotypes and the different dynamics that go on in pro sports that people just don't understand. And not that I, I'm wanting, you know, like, I mean, it's great to shed light, but I want to give voice to these women that it's not all these shows, these reality shows. That's not how it is. Like that's just a show. And so for these women, again, for these women to know who they are in Christ and to know the impact of their role at home as the one who is, is like a single mom at the time, or it just feels like it, she has to hold down the fort. when the injuries happen, when the trades happen, when he gets cut, when he retires, there's such a place that God has put her as the helpmate. And so when she's like, like sidelined or knocked out by the devil and his lies, you lose that first line of defense for the head of the home. And so for her to be equipped, for her to know who she is, for her to understand her kingdom mentality, like I was just talking to someone about Promise 31 and where it says, She laughs at the days to come because she has no fear of the future. I never understood that, but understanding now through God's eyes and through, you know, knowing who I am in him and knowing how he's our provider, he takes care of us. It's like the fears that I had, or, you know, the stresses that you can have with the instability of pro sports. It's like, man, like when a woman can understand when a couple can understand it, but when that woman understands the confidence that she has in Christ, And she knows who she is and she's not distracted and sidelined by all these things. And she can be that prayer warrior and that help me that God calls her to be. And she's also like, you know, my kids are coming in. They know mom's not just the one who folds my laundry and, you know, cooks and cleans. She has purpose. And thank God that they see that because they heard that I was only good for what I did around the house. And that was my. way to heaven was those things. And so I'm thankful that they get to see one that I love the Lord. And that's a big thing for me. It's like legacy. I love the Lord. You know, I've chosen to forgive. I've chosen to move forward. I've chosen to like live out God's calling and to share his goodness, even in the midst of all this stuff. So, um, priority is for sure, like allowing my husband, my kids to see that. But beyond that, it's, um, Yeah, Yeah, that's awesome. I mean, you said one magic word. I always You know what I'm saying? You chose to do this. You chose to do that. So you got to make a decision at the end of the day what you want for your life. And another thing you said, you talked a lot about was purpose. So you founded Lady Bellator to help women live out their God-given purpose. What inspired you to create this movement? And what does Lady So what inspired me was just my whole journey. And, you know, as I was getting into the space of authorship and then speaking and hearing, you know, you have to create a brand, you have to do something. And I was told, like, you have a movement. And so Lady Bellator came from prophetically being called, one, a contending matriarch. Someone said, you know you're a contending matriarch. And he was actually one who was going to help me with my branding. And I'm thinking, OK, that does not sound appealing at all. And I said, one matriarch I've heard based off my last relationship. matriarch seemed, it was almost like it was feminist. And so I didn't, I had a bad taste in my mouth because of that. And, but when, when this person was saying, no, look at what matriarch is. She's wise. She's, she's a pill in the community. When he was describing what she was, she's respected by men and women. She sought after. And when he said that, I was like, you know what? Okay, Lord, if that's what you're calling me to, I'm going to step into it. And so I remember one night I'm like, God, how do I say that? you know, how do I say that I'm a contending major without saying that? Cause it does not sound like a good brand. And I remember waking up at four o'clock in the morning and he says, go look up warrior in Latin. So Bellator means warrior lady. Actually, I woke up, I woke up in the morning, told my husband, I said, Hey, what do you think about Bellator? And he goes, what about lady Bellator? And I'm like, Oh my gosh, that's even better. And I'm here, I'm just thinking of the sound. It sounds great. But lady refers to the royalty of her. So she's the queen. She's, you know, she's royalty. She's part of the, you know, like she's an heir, a co-heir with Christ. So there's that royalty piece and there's also the warrior piece. And so if you see her, she's got a sword in the back and she's got a scepter in the front. And it's so funny because it's like, God showed me these pictures first, but then, so it's like a picture first, then the name, then a significance. So I'm actually in the middle of my Proverbs 31 devotional. And so in each chapter, I go through each verse. And so the sword refers to the word of God. And so my prayers are all scriptural prayers, because praying the word is so important. It's more important than us. Dear God, bless me. It's like, no, the authority of praying scripture is huge. And so that's the sword piece. The scepter which is in front of her, the scepter, is knowing her authority in Christ. So having declarations, I am a woman of God. I am, you know, like jeweled, like, you know, just precious and valuable. So in each chapter, depending on what it's talking about, it's the prayers, and then there's the declarations of who she is. And so I encourage these women, you know, to talk about that. And actually, Lady Bellator, there's four pillars, which was rooted in Proverbs 31. She's the daughter of God, You know, she's a bride. She's the one who takes care of the kids, and she's an impact maker. So you see this all in Proverbs 31, and that's who Lady Bellator is. Yeah, that's nice. That is nice. So, Aline, you got a podcast. Yes. On It's called The On Sideline Life. It was funny. It was like something I knew, that I wanted to do, but again, with all the kids and all these things, I'm like, I just, I can't do it right now. And so, God is so funny how he just kind of puts things in your heart. I started thinking like, how do I, I'm like, how do I get this book, Sidelight No More, the one to the Paratheid, how do I, how do I get this book out to the ones who are in it now? Cause I'm, when my ex played, it was 2000 to 2009. So I'm way out of it. And here I'm trying to reach the younger ones. And so I was thinking like, maybe I can like interview the wives that I know and just kind of like have like video reviews for the book. And then I started thinking, huh, I wonder, I wonder if I could just have interviews with these women and just house them. And so what I did, like I would, I think the first three, I just approached people and I said, Hey, would you be open to having a conversation on zoom? I'm going to record it. It's not intimidating. We could edit it and things like that, but would you be okay with that? And so every person was a different thing. And then God brought this whole thing and he confirmed it again over and over. It's like, someone said, Eileen, you need to start a podcast. You have everything. You just need to put it in a pretty package. Eileen, you have the authority. Do this. And it was like people using literally the same words who didn't know each other. And it's like, okay, God, is this what you want? And he just set everything in place. And the thing about it is, I love it. Like when there's the heaviness of, um, of dealing with, you know, just different women that are struggling with different things. And you know, that this, that's a big piece. And you know, that as you enter and you step into these different spaces, you know, that the spiritual warfare is there. The podcast is my joy. It's me being able to have conversations with different women. So I do highlight right now it's NFL wise, which I'm hoping that'll spread to baseball, basketball, soccer, all these things. Cause I want to highlight these women. So there's a, a personality behind, Oh, she's the wife of someone. And so I highlight them. I talk about different struggles. I talk about what they're doing as a lady belts were. And then as well, I, um, I interview, you know, just different women outside of pro sports who are living out their full calling. So some are divorced. You say, I want them to understand like they're not, you know, God's not done with them yet. And so to hear these stories are stories that give hope to other women who feel like, for me, I felt like once I was divorced, I felt like all credibility is gone. How can God use me? I'm disqualified. And God was showing me, Eileen, like, I still have plans for you. I still am going to use you. And so women need to hear that because I know so many women who are doing the things for taking care of the kids. Like those are stories of hope. that other women need to hear. And so when you hear that, it's like, yeah, you don't feel broken anymore. You feel like, okay, like if this is happening and God is using this woman, like I can be used, I can be encouraged. And so that's for me as a whole, that's what my podcast is about is like, just encourage them, like get out of the shadows, like live out your calling. Cause there's so much more and there's so much fulfillment and joy And here's the thing with women. There's something about us that we just point out. We typically point out the wrongs in ourselves that disqualify us. And we also feel like as a mom, it's almost like the more that I deny myself the whole year I am. And that's not true. It's like, Hey, just, you know, I, I am wife, I'm mom, but it doesn't mean I have to deny myself completely. It doesn't mean that if I, you know, I'm fully. like exhausted at the end of the day that I'm a better mom. And so, so I'm just, you know, so even in that, that piece, I talk about how, you know, whatever season you're in, keep nurturing, keep nurturing. Like God has given you these, like these things that you know, fulfill you, whether it's exercise or whatever, a skillset, keep doing those things. And what I've seen is how God uses all these different experiences And where you can look back and go, oh my gosh, this is why this happened, or this is how God is using this. Wow, this is going to work in my life now. And for me, I was only a stay-at-home mom. I had that job before I got married, and then stay-at-home mom for 16 plus years. And so you think also, I thought, can I have a degree? Or I do have a degree. I don't have the certification. I haven't been in the workforce. But as I'm stepping into these spaces, it's like, oh my gosh, I see how much a stay-at-home mom has entrepreneurial skills, problem-solving skills. So I'm seeing how all those things I've learned as a mom, a stay-at-home mom is totally helping with these areas. And you asked me earlier, like, how do you do all this stuff? It's because of being mom and having to problem solve and having to kind of have, for me, it's like this, this thing of like divide and conquer or process of elimination. Like I just find a way to just go, okay, instead of like clumping and being overwhelmed with a situation, what can I deal with now? Knock it out, celebrate it, get to the next thing. And so it's not easy for me to feel overwhelmed. Or if I get to that space, I know, okay, what can I deal with? Let me get that out of the way. And so you just break it into parts where you don't like get, you know, what's an analysis process, or you just like get overwhelmed because it's too much because you just are, you know, like some people have the mentality, I got all this stuff. Well, don't say that. what do you have specifically so you can see what you can check off or what you can get rid of. And so I just definitely see Oh yeah, it's definitely built you. You have three books, you have Sidelines No More, Broken Chapters, and Yes, so Sideline No More was specifically for the NFL, well, to pro-athlete wives. And like I said, when I was going through a hard time, you know, hear my God get glory. And so I thought, like, once I could sense him saying it's time, I just assumed, all right, I'm going to write everything down, write all this spiritual warfare. And he was telling me, I mean, hold on, like, pull back I want you to write a book specifically to the pro sports wives. And he said, they need to know that they can trust you. They need to know that they understand you or that you understand them, that you've been there. And he goes, if you come on too strong and you're talking about all these things that you went through, you're going to lose them. And so this first book, i talk about transition into the game you know losing your identity i talk about relationship with your spouse talk about relationship with family and expectations finances i talk about my own shopping addiction because it was a lack of purpose i had you know i and numbing you know the pain that i was going through and then transition out of the game and talking about being better together So that's the first book. And here it was like, it literally says helping pro-athlete wives. Well, if you're not a pro-athlete wife, then you're not going to look at it. And so the people that were reading it outside of, you know, pro sports, I would get this feedback. I think this is not just for pro-athlete wives. Like you gotta like make it for everybody or for, you know, for women in general. And so what I thought was going to be a couple of tweaks, paragraphs here and there, like, God changed, he shifted the whole book. So in the inside that I know more, it talks about playbook strategies. So every other chapter, so I talked about those things, I just talked about those five things. And then every other chapter is a playbook strategy. So I talk about forgiveness, I talk about, he said, like, or God, you said, so declaring his promises, I talk about like, words. So I just hit different spiritual you know, weapons. So in this first book, I call them playbook strategies. When I was in my second book, and you know, like I say here, I thought it was like tweaking a couple of paragraphs. Like as I was getting closer to the end of the book, God was saying, change this, change that, take this chapter out, put this chapter in on kids leaving a legacy. And then those playbook strategies turned into weapons of warfare in that book called Rise of Lady Bellator. So they are very, they're very parallel. There's a lot, like a lot of the chapters are the same, but then there's a lot of things that are different, but it definitely speaks more to, you know, just to a woman of God. And I very much emphasize because of the name, God changed the name of the title. Then I was able to introduce Lady Bellator and have her see that she is that. Broken Chapters is a multi-authored book. And so I have the 20th chapter of that book. And that's, it's like almost like a, kind of like a chicken soup for the soul. It's just stories of hope and great authors, great people, lots of good friends in that. But You know, you have a powerful, powerful calling on your life. You know, if you don't hear anything else I say at this time, I don't, I don't, I wasn't even thinking about this, just listening to you and what I see and what I hear is God has a multitude of people set aside out there in the world that's waiting on you, that is assigned to you and what you're doing right now. And I mean, this thing is I've heard it. Praise God. I receive it. You know, when there's lulls and the doubts that come in, so perfect timing for you to encourage me in that way. So, I thank you and yes, I receive it and I'm excited. I'm excited. Yes, I had to be obedient to what I felt. So, I had to do it. So, what's next for you? Any Oh man, well, the one space that it was never official. So, the coaching space, I'm really excited to finally step into that. I joined This community is called builder, uh, kingdom builders Academy. And so knowing that I wanted to coach and it was specific to pro-ethnic wives, just because I've been there. So we'll wax. So the wives and girlfriends kingdom builders Academy has. It's allowing me to understand and be very specific with structure, which is what I needed. So it's like, I know I have like this wealth of like godly wisdom, just because God has been so faithful. you know, in the cult situation, as a wife, as a mom, in the pro sports and high profile relationships. But now I feel like I have, I have structure to this to see where it looks. And so I'm super excited to get into that space. I just finished my speaker website. So speaking is something that I want to do, well, more of, but it's still always in balance. And that's the thing I love that I get to do things. in a way where it's like, God, like, you know that I want to always keep my priorities straight. And he always says when it gets out of order, he always has that nudge of like, the chaos is more chaotic or the different things. And so I love that I'm in this space where I can definitely maneuver things that I keep my family first. And so the coaching, The speaking, like I said, I am really looking forward to getting that Proverbs 31 book out because I know it's so needed. I also know that there's a couple things. Little Lady Veltor is something that I want to do with my daughter. And so just teaching her now, young, This is what the world says about how a woman should be. And this is what, you know, like broken religion says you should be, but this is how God defines you. And so I'm really looking forward to that. That was, that's a series that I'm, that, um, it's a little below the other ones, but that's something I want to do. And another book that I know that God is calling me to is, and I alluded to this, that there's Holy Spirit, like we need Holy Spirit. to guide us with our kids. Like as you know, and I always knew this. I remember when I was going through the thick of it and like having, I mean, we're talking like I have a six year old, a 10 year old, a 13 year old, a 15 year old, a 16 year old, an 18 year old, 20 and 22. And so I'm hitting all the spaces, all the seasons and all the phases of, of how their brains work. Cause it's different. I remember, when my daughter was three and my son was five. And it's like, how do I help them navigate through that? They understand what's going on. And, and this may or may not, you know, make the cut of the stories, but this is one thing that happened. They, they went to go see their dad for a visit and they came back and they're like, yeah, you're supposed to obey dad and everything, everything. And so they were told that I was, you know, like not being obedient, not being a good wife. And we just came back from McDonald's. I just picked him up from school. And I'm like, God, please help me. Like, how do I talk him through this? And so here we're staying at the time when we had to step away. We're literally in a three bedroom duplex that my friend allowed us to stay in. So I have seven kids. I'm pregnant with one. We're more on the floor than on beds. But so we're walking into the small duplex. And I'm like, God, help me. And so we walk into the small kitchen and there's an island. And I said, guys, so again, this is a three year old and a five year old. I said, guys, this is God. So I'm looking at the island. I said, this is God. And I get a happy meal. I'm like, this is your dad. And I said, put that on the floor. I said, you know, dad says that as he follows Christ, we follow him. And so I'm like, so I'm like, literally like, okay, I'm behind this Happy Meal box, who's dad, and then you guys follow. And then I picked up the Happy Meal, and I move it over across the room. I said, guys, I said, if dad goes there, but God is here, what are we supposed to do? And they say, we follow God. And so that that simplistic thing in that age was good enough that they understood. But like I said, there's a there's actually, um, In Proverbs 31, there's a scripture where it says, the verse where it says, send up my bowels, send up my womb. It's something like, how do I speak to you or what do I say to you? And so I talk about in this book, it's like, this is a question I ask the Holy Spirit. Holy Spirit, what do I say to them now in this age, in this stage? And so I know that because of this big broad age range, I want to put in book form. Those stories have different stories. Like I have the one who was like the favorite, who had the hard time at age 11. he had the hardest time. Mom, I'm sad. Like I want dad to come back. And I said, honey, I do too. And he's that same one that was like, kind of, he caught his dad in a lie. So he was super angry. And so to have them like to have different talks and navigations through all these situations where they're not bitter toward their father, that they honor their father, but understand also, it's like, I can see how like, again, like, Now I have to deal with them at the different ages. And so that's a book that is really on my heart, is for parents to help the kids navigate through, but it's I love the McDonald's Happy Meal scenario. Thank Yeah, yeah, yeah. It works for the kids, right? You can use it any kind of way you want when it comes to the kids. So, Aline, can you do me a favor? Can you share a word or encouragement with my listeners that's going through the middle of a struggle or feel like they're in a relationship or something tossing that they're struggling to get out of and their purpose and You know, cling to the Lord. Like, cling to the Lord like you've never had before. I know that when I was going through my hard time, I actually went to a woman. I said, am I that bad of a wife? And she said, Eileen, you're fighting the wrong battle. And so I, when she told me that, I said, no, I don't think so. You know, like, and she goes, are you an obstinate wife? Are you this or that? And I said, no, I just, it, it changed my mind that I shifted to seeking God, like I never thought before, um, or never had before. And to apply his word, even if I didn't understand, I didn't agree, but spiritual weapons of warfare were so huge. to choose joy, to choose to pray for them. It didn't mean that I was like feeling all these like nice feelings about them, but it was like knowing that the enemy is real and knowing that my weapons were way powerful, it just changed everything. So it's like praying is powerful. Praising God in my tears, crying and singing songs, I trust you. Like, I will sing of the goodness of God, like all these songs, like you have to kind of have like, um, it's ammunition, whether through worship or, you know, sometimes I needed like scripture, like I couldn't read the Bible, you know, like I, or I didn't have the words, but it's like, okay, let me find prayers already there. And just declaring them like there was prayers of Elis much. That book was huge to me because I didn't have the words and I didn't, I, my heart was probably not right, but for me to verbally, declare God's truth. Those were the things. So it's really truly not leaning on your own understanding but acknowledging God in all his ways. He will guide your path. I totally just feel like that's what you got to do and God will get you through and do not choose a path of bitterness that you think you or you feel like you're obligated or you have a right to. That's a total life for the devil. and that will harm you. So choose God, choose his way, even if you don't understand it, That's it. That is so right. That is so right. So last, All the things, Facebook, Eileen P. Noyes, Instagram, so Eileen Paulette Noyes, so Eileen P. Noyes, Instagram, LinkedIn, the unsidelined like, is my podcast. There's ladybellator.com. That's where you can find me too. So all those avenues you can find me. Yes, I'm still looking forward to these. You'd say that you know some NFL athletes. I actually am looking for wives just to ask questions so I can better serve them. So if you are an NFL wife or a pro athlete wife, if you're watching this, like, yeah, reach out to me at hello at ladybellator.com. So Yeah, Outstanding. Outstanding. Thank you so much. It's Oh, well, thank you. Thank you so much for having me. I really appreciate it. And when you guys reached out to me, I was like, wow. All right, God. Thank you so much. And this has been an amazing, like, it's been a pleasure for me to have this time Thank you for tuning in Real Talk with Reginald D. If you enjoyed listening to Real Talk with Reginald D, please rate and review us on Apple Podcast.  See you next time.