Paralyzed At 19 | Stephen Wagstaff On Surviving A Diving Accident, Disability, Faith & Purpose (Inspirational)

What if the very thing that tried to break you became the foundation for your purpose, healing, and impact?

In this deeply inspirational, motivational, and faith-filled powerful episode, Reginald D talks with Stephen Wagstaff, founder of SWAG Ability, about disability, caregiving, trauma recovery, faith, grief, resilience, and what it truly means to thrive where life finds you.

After a diving accident at age 19 left Stephen with a C5 spinal cord injury, he was forced to face a completely new reality. But instead of allowing that moment to define the end of his story, Stephen chose to let God use his pain as the beginning of his mission. In this heartfelt conversation, he shares how purpose can rise from suffering, why authenticity matters, how to stop wasting your scars, and why no one has to stay stuck in grief, bitterness, burnout, or isolation.

Stephen’s story reminds the listener that pain does not have to be the end of your story. His journey shows how suffering can become a platform, how scars can become service, and how purpose can still grow in the middle of disability, trauma, disappointment, or loss. This conversation is especially relevant for anyone who feels stuck, isolated, overlooked, exhausted, or unsure how to rebuild life after a devastating setback.

Press play now to hear this inspirational, motivational conversation and discover how faith, resilience, and purpose can help you rise even after life changes everything.

Stephen's Contact Info:

Website:   https://swagability.com

SwagAbility is a nonprofit movement founded by Stephen and Julie Wagstaff to empower individuals & caregivers facing illness, trauma, and disability. 

Podcast: The SwagAbility Show -  https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/the-swagability-show/id1776938753

Youtube: https://www.youtube.com/@SwagAbilityInc  

Transcript

Reginald D: Welcome to Real Talk with Reginald D. I'm your host, Reginald D.

On today's episode, I have Stephen Wagstaff.

Stephen is the founder and CEO of SWAG Ability,

a non profit helping people thrive through disability caregiving and trauma recovery.

Welcome to the show, Stephen.

Stephen Wagstaff: Hey, A pleasure is all mine. Glad we can finally get it done. Been a while, but been excited and yeah, we're here.

Reginald D: Yes, sir. Absolutely. Absolutely. I can't wait. I'm excited about it.

So, Stephen, you know, I've read some things about you and things like that and things you've been through in life.

Can you take us back to that day at 19 years old when the diving accident changed your life forever?

What was the first thought that ran through your mind and how did that moment reshape your identity?

Stephen Wagstaff: The first thought that ran through my mind because everything is in slow motion,

was for starters, I had enough in my brain to know that how long am I going to have to hold my breath because I couldn't move.

I had heard something snap and I had ran down the length of a dock. And I had assumed my friends were like treading water boat at shoulder level, but it turns out they were kneeling a sandbar, but I thought they were up at standing at neck level.

I'd been around water all my life, so I didn't really have a fear of it.

And.

But when I hit, my neck went back and then I couldn't move nothing from the shoulders down. And kind of as the dirt started to settle and I was staring at the bottom,

I was trying to swim to shore and I was realizing that my brain was telling me I was moving,

but there wasn't a muscle moving.

And the first probably logical thoughts that went through was,

I am going to meet my creator in a few seconds from now,

and I don't know where I stand with him.

And that was the biggest fear I had. If I stepped out into eternity,

was I assure of where I was going?

And after that, it was thinking, someone must have seen me. My friends I know were watching. How long will they be?

And I had one friend that got to me and they started to pick me up.

And then all of a sudden I was able to just grab a bit of air because my mouth had come out of the water. And then he dropped me again.

And for the second time I went down and I thought, oh, no,

he's gone to get an ambulance. He's scared. He doesn't know what to do. He's gone. I cannot hold my breath.

And so the second time I'M down under. That's when I was like, I can't. I'm dying. In a matter of seconds. But what someone had yelled from a cruise ship that was going by,

don't pick them up. Just turn them over in the water.

And so when they did that,

I finally took a big gasp of air.

And I remember there's chaos everywhere, and I have never felt it to this day, but there was a peace that came over me that I didn't know what was wrong.

I didn't know what the future held, that I had enough of a mind that wasn't panicking to say that I don't know what it is,

but from here on in,

life may look different, but whatever I've got,

I just want to be used.

Because I think I came so close to stepping out of eternity that I realized that it goes so quick.

But at 19, I realized that.

Dave, I don't know what the rest of life looks like, but one thing I do know is that I want to make sure that I'm doing it in a fulfilled way.

And it's meeting purpose and certainly helping others.

Seems weird to think about it, but those were some of the first thoughts that entered my mind.

Reginald D: Yeah, and that's one of the things about it,

Stephen, is that when things happen,

and a lot of people don't know this, but when things happen like that, then you start,

you know, I said when life happens, put it that way, you start off looking at things in a different perspective, you know?

So you said this. You said that paralysis became the start of your mission,

not the end of your story.

What shifted that allowed you to move from why me to use me?

Stephen Wagstaff: Yeah,

the why me only lasted for a little bit. I mean, my friends and I, we were all set to head out to college on Monday. Different colleges, universities.

Friday was our last night out. Heading up to the church for a youth group event and all that. And so they all went off to college.

They didn't forget me, but life got busy. And here I was living with mom and dad.

And there came a dark time where I was angry.

I was.

And then. But it lasted very little because I'd already seen so many hardships in my life. We'd lost a grandfather that was so close, like a father for me. My dad, he was just coming through his bone marrow transplant.

He was fighting cancer.

And so there wasn't much time for pity party because I had seen a lot of people going in my family going already through suffering. And so it wasn't a matter of that.

Bitterness,

it didn't do me any good. It didn't make me want to be around people and it didn't make people want to be around me.

And then crying. Crying worked for a bit. It was a release.

But then I realized that all of a sudden I'm presented with a brand new platform that because of my father's circumstances, because of my grandfather passed away, just had a cousin that was killed a couple days earlier on working on hydro lines.

And so all of a sudden the Wagstaff story became like,

what did this family do to deserve whatever?

And we didn't feel special in any way, but we all of a sudden realized that, wait a second,

we have now a feeling of lived experience that helps us to say to someone,

I don't know exactly, maybe that scenario,

but I've been where you are.

And that's when we realized that both my father and I started to tell our story a little bit. And we realized that it made us much more relatable to people that were walking through horrific things just in a different mask, same problem, just a different mask on and being able to speak life and truth.

And mental health was just coming onto the scene back then where it had been a closet sickness for things. And we started to expose mental health as being okay.

God specializes in messiness.

And that really,

I guess that really lit me up inside as that hit the buttons that said, this is what I want to do for the rest of my life.

Walk with people through their darkest moments.

Yeah,

it's a unique calling, but I wouldn't have it any other way. I was an arrogant sports jock in high school before that day.

And life has a way of humbling and looking back now, I would never want to be who that 19 year old young man was.

And so,

you know,

God's got a way of.

Romans 8 talks about using all things his good and his glory. And I'm just grateful that I have a small role in playing part of his kingdom.

Doing that.

Reginald D: Yes, absolutely.

And all the things you've been through,

you know, you often say thrive where life finds you.

What does that really mean when you living with the C5 spinal cord injury and daily dependence on others.

Stephen Wagstaff: Again, this wasn't built over one day.

It is a lifelong thing and I still continue to learn. But if you've got air in your lungs.

We influence people, whether we think we do or not. Every day,

whether you're at your job,

you're on the subway, whatever, everybody's looking, everyone's looking at everyone else in life. We always are. And so whether you think you're influencing someone or not,

you are.

And so for me,

I think God built us for productivity and for purpose.

And I think that no matter what our condition is,

we have the ability to support someone,

even if we're non verbal or whatever like that. We have how we react,

how we carry ourselves,

how we cry with people.

It's within us. It's not the exterior of what we do.

It's all of a sudden when we're our authentic selves,

really who we're meant to be. And when we get in touch with that authenticity,

it's all of a sudden when God can use us for the best.

Right?

Reginald D: So think about it. I think the ultimate thing in life is doing what God has for you, being your own authentic self. You know, I think he makes everybody special in their own unique way.

He has a vision, he knows what he's going to do. You know,

it's going to take you, it's going to take me, it's going to take everybody else that's been born in this world.

I think that one of the most powerful thing is to walk in who you are in him and what he wants you to do. Because here's the thing,

you'll be spinning your wheels,

going nowhere if you're not walking in the purpose that was meant for your life.

Stephen Wagstaff: You hit it, you nailed it on the head.

Everything else is a chasing after the wind, right? Ecclesiastes like you're expending energy.

Don't get me wrong, we need to earn money to be able to put food to the table.

But when we're chasing after stuff that is not in alignment of who we've been made to be and the purpose we've been left here for,

we will never find the ability to truly rest in who we are.

Like I can rest in the fact that I'm a C5 quad.

God didn't throw me off a dock to do it, but he uses circumstances all around us trying to get our attention and even through whatever God can turn it towards and use it for his glory and for his good.

And.

But yeah, that's what I try. When I was a dean of men at a seminary Bible college, I would always tell the guys, until you really are okay to drop the mask in front or who you're putting on in order to impress whoever,

you will spend more energy,

you will spend more of your time chasing to be someone who you're not and having less results. You will,

you will spend so much time and so much effort Trying to convince people and yourself that you are this somebody and not accomplish hardly anything.

And then you go to bed at night and wonder, why?

What is life about and why am I not succeeding? Well,

until you really just say,

this is who I am, these are the struggles I'm dealing with.

God specializes in messiness,

right? Like he knows.

He knows we're human.

And for whatever his reason is, he chooses to use mankind for him to get the glory and for us to be part of that and enjoy that ride.

That's good stuff.

Yeah, real good.

Reginald D: Yeah. Yeah, it is. It is.

Stephen Wagstaff: Thriving looks something different for everyone. Like the word thrive is. I guess it's just.

I use the word thrive because if you're not thriving,

you're just surviving.

I don't think life is meant to just survive.

Like that would be like me just trying to get air when I was in the water trying to get air. That's trying to survive. If you're just trying to survive in life, then you're not thriving.

You know, surviving is.

Is just trying to put one foot in front of the other, paycheck to paycheck, whatever. I get it. I totally understand that part of it. But when you become your authentic part of yourself and you rely completely on our Creator for doing what he says he'll do,

you know, he will never leave us nor forsake us.

He's a friend that sticks closer than a brother.

Then we started taking him at his word.

You know,

we'll. We'll be distant.

But like I said,

Matthew talks about, come on,

I'm not here to preach a sermon. Come on, all your weak and heavy laden, whatever, I'll give you rest. And I found true rest in him. Not right away.

I threw my temper tantrums and physio.

I learned some hard lessons.

I had a wicked temper.

And God took that overnight.

I was at a rehab hospital. I was trying to get a book off the shelf with a ruler in my mouth. I finally spent probably 40 minutes trying to get this book off my shelf.

It hit my desk, fell on the floor,

and then I didn't have any movement, so I just started to swing these limp arms clearing everything off my desk,

all hit the floor.

And then the greatest lesson that I was ever taught was some of the nurses and the orderly came in and they said,

well,

how are you going to solve getting that back up? And for the next, probably better part of an hour, two hours, using a reacher stick and some other.

And then I said, God, from here on in, I don't want to ever see that man again,

that does no one good for me and it doesn't do anyone else good.

And truly from that day on,

I am not.

I'm a much easier going guy than I was. But anyway, my dear preacher, sermon back.

He's been so good to me, I can't help but talk about him.

Reginald D: Absolutely, absolutely. So let's talk about this. Stephen. What's one myth about living with a disability that you wish the world would

Stephen Wagstaff: stop believing that things we do are special?

That because I've started a nonprofit or because I write a blog or whatever to get praise and glory for that, I appreciate the sentiment and I understand people don't understand that it's a way of just encouraging us or whatever like that.

But we don't need to be put on a pedestal for achieving things that are in our ability to do. We may have to do things a little bit different to get it done,

but it doesn't make us any greater than the average human being that has the ability able bodiedness to do so.

Yeah, I would say that we may get around differently and sit differently and some of us may not be able to move our arms but with assistive technology the way it is, things like that,

we regular people,

everyone has different abilities and we'll move throughout them in our life. We're born with inability and then we get ability and then as we age there's different abilities we all go through.

So we're all somehow disabled in some way or another. And at some point you'll either be caring for a loved one or you'll be cared for by a loved one.

It's just how far on that road of life you are.

So I think just normalizing the fact that we are who we are and we don't need to be praised for anything we accomplish.

I'm not big on the whole deep the equity.

Yes, I won't get going on dei.

For me personally, I.

Yeah when I was pastoring for a number of years my mindset was that I had to prove to my board and to the people that I was every much as good as they could have got with a fully able bodied pastor.

And in doing so I burnt myself out. I was up till 2 and 3am whatever and I just needed to rest in who I was and accept who I was.

And we're talking 25 years later. So it's not like I still don't battle the old flesh and that but it's a matter of just being okay to accept who we are and get up Every day with a mindset of what could I accomplish for the good of my family,

but for the good of someone else I'm going to run into today?

That's why swagability stokes my fires, because I get to rub shoulders with people who are going through dark times that young people that have been in car accidents or whatever.

I wish it never happened to them, but at least I can say, you know,

I got 30 years of lived experience.

Let me tell you, there is light.

You're gonna come through this in a certain time.

But being able to offer them those lived experiences,

I hope it's a comfort to people.

And that's.

Yeah. Whether it's podcasting or whether it's just talking one on one with people,

I don't know what it is, but I love people.

Reginald D: So what point in your life when you said, hey, I have to create swagability?

Stephen Wagstaff: It was a very selfish reason, to be honest with you. I was in a seven month hospital stay fighting a bone infection.

And it was before my wife went through her cancer battles.

And she's an outdoors woman.

She loves being out hiking and everything like that.

And I was in hospital feeling sore for myself.

And I remember seeing I'm in a power wheelchair. I remember seeing a power wheelchair and it has these rubber tank tracks on it and they go everywhere in snow. I tried one Lego up,

I tried to get it stuck. You can't get it stuck. So I thought to myself,

when I get out of here,

I want to spend time outside with my bride. I won't be with her doing that. So what I'm going to do is I'm going to go online and I'm going to just start an organization.

And how hard can it be to raise some money in order to get a track chair and at the same time to kind of help others? So it started for a very selfish reason.

And then as I meet with a mentor every Thursday, he's an older man.

And through that I just started to peel the layers back of what I was doing and why I was doing it.

And then when I truly revealed that it was more selfishness than anything, that that's when things really started to click and take off. It's like I okay, get rid of this being about me and be about more people.

And that's kind of when swagability was born.

It was me wanting to leave a legacy far past just being not just, but being a pastor and helping people.

When I'm gone,

I still want people to benefit from my lived years of experiences helping Others, sure, there's going to be different tech, equipment, things that come on, but being able to meet people in the inside, at the heart level, that's Evergreen.

It'll always be there. So I pray that,

yeah,

that swag ability long outlives me and that it'll meet the needs financially of those who need a hand up, not a handout,

but that are looking to get up in life and,

you know, don't have the resources and so we can help them that way or that when I'm gone, someone comes in behind and can offer that life wisdom and coaching that we're doing now.

That's my desire. Yeah,

yeah.

Reginald D: And you mentioned one thing that that means a lot and it means a lot to me. You know, you're a powerful guy, I'm telling you. And legacy is, you know, that's the key.

Even if you not here on earth one day, we all got to leave one day. Right.

But you still here because what you left.

So,

Stephen, I'm telling you, you're very powerful, powerful man of God.

So someone listening right now feels stuck in grief,

paralysis, physical or emotional or burnout.

What would you say to him? To take their first step,

toys, purpose again,

to talk.

Stephen Wagstaff: Communication is key.

When we get stuck in our heads,

it's not just us that can start going down some deep holes.

We have a powerful adversary that wants to see us stuck in that cyclical thinking of I'm on my own, nobody cares,

I don't want to do life this way.

I want an exit, whatever like that.

The first thing they need to do is to realize two things. Number one,

turning inward, towards yourself, you'll push others away.

And when you push others away, you isolate yourself. That causes bitterness,

it causes a wrong pattern of thinking,

and it causes you to be hard to approach.

So I would say the first thing you need to do is.

It's hard, but be vulnerable.

I mean,

vulnerability you already know about if you're paralysis, because if someone's there trimming your beard and brushing your teeth and a lot more other things like that, you're already vulnerable that way.

So why not drop the active,

whatever partitions we're putting up and just being able to let someone speak into your life and look for those people because they're out there. It doesn't have to be me,

but there's people that'll love on you.

If you've got a bad experience with one or two people, well,

that's the minimum. That's not the majority. There's just good people in this world.

And if you don't have anyone in your corner there, then that's why swag ability exists. Pick up the phone or send an email. I would love nothing more than to spend an afternoon or an evening, but it doesn't matter what time of day or night it is.

Give a call and let's start dispelling some myths that you're starting to build in your head that life is over. And I put in my head that I was never, ever like sex.

Marriage and children were never in the cards for me after this. Well,

it took a.

It took someone, bluntly,

a best friend of hers saying, would you get your head,

like out of the sand and stop feeling sorry for yourself? You have a woman that loves you,

and here you are thinking you're not ever, whatever.

And until I have that phone call I had just cut that right off. And so took a one drive, picked this lady, young lady home from the. She worked at the library, drove her home once.

That turned into a couple times a week. And then that turned into a good friend, best friend.

Then I married my best friend. And we've been together now 26 years this past December. So, yeah, dispelling the myths that are in their head that I will never fill in the blank.

You don't know what.

You don't know anything really compared to what our creator does. And I know that if you're authentic with who you are, you've been left here for a reason and you just need encouragement.

We all need encouragement. But in those dark times when you have an adversary that wants to see you down and out,

you need encouragement and you need truth. And that's gonna come by surrounding yourself with people who are authentic and are okay to talk about everything,

messiness,

and find someone you can ask any question of. That's why we always say there's nothing that you can't ask me, nothing that we won't answer that took a long time to get there.

But keeping it real is.

It's just how we'll.

We learn to get to tomorrow.

And so I would say that reach out today,

every day you procrastinate further makes you that much more comfortable sitting in grief. And we always had a saying that your past is just a place of reference. It's not a place of residence.

Right.

Whatever happened to you,

that was a place of reference. It's a defining mark in your life,

but it's not a place of residence. You don't live there.

Life's going to continue on. And so you're going to have to as well.

That may sound blunt, but it's the best advice I can give.

Reginald D: Yeah, it's great advice. So Steve and I have what I call quick fire questions.

Stephen Wagstaff: Love them.

Reginald D: All right, number one, there's not a right or wrong answer. One word that describes your mindset after you ask it.

Stephen Wagstaff: Determined.

Reginald D: What's something people assume about disability that's completely wrong?

Stephen Wagstaff: I have to put dashes between these.

Life isn't as fulfilling. Just put a hyphen there. And that's one word. Life isn't as fulfilling as an able bodied one would be.

We live life to its fullest.

Reginald D: Got it. Now. Now, what gives you strength on your hardest days?

Stephen Wagstaff: My Lord and savior, Jesus Christ.

Reginald D: Absolutely.

If you can leave the listeners with just one sentence. It's called to do one sentence, so I'm not gonna hold you to it. But if you could leave the listeners with just one sentence to remember you by, what will it be?

Stephen Wagstaff: Authentic,

approachable and desiring to speak with you?

Yeah,

I'd love to talk to anyone that's struggling.

So authentic,

desiring and wanting to communicate with you if you're in a rough spot.

That's where I feel God planted me.

And we have this saying. I don't mean to say that, but losing a child,

losing parents,

losing a younger sibling, just 37 left behind 11 children recently,

ages 14 to a newborn. There's not much we haven't lived, but we are determined. My wife and I are determined to not waste our scars.

Right. Scars are healing.

They still hurt and show a mark,

but they're healing and able to move on.

And we don't waste our scars. And that's what we want for you. Don't waste your scars. There's people out there that need you.

There's people out there that will depend on you.

You just gotta get to that point. And you will.

You will. But reach out,

please.

Reginald D: Absolutely. And I will leave it right there. So lastly, Stephen, how can my RS reach you and all the stuff you're doing? How can they connect with you?

Stephen Wagstaff: Thank you for this.

People always think money is what helps. And don't get me wrong, growing a donor base, one of the hardest things to do for a nonprofit. But outside of, like, financial support, the greatest,

greatest support you could do for us is three things. Number one,

whatever podcast platform you listen on, if you could follow us and just leave a comment on one of our episodes,

that really helps beyond what you know, it does. To pick up traction in the algorithm, visit our YouTube page and subscribe there, you'll find not Only our podcasts, but just our life lived out.

Right. How to videos, what's it look like between husband and wife, Some funny stuff on there, how to drive, you know, just different things on there. So subscribe to that and.

And visit our swagability.com if you need to get a hold of us. At the bottom of every page, there's a part that says Ask Swag Staff.

And swagability is just a combination of when I was playing sports, I was called Swag, Swagger, Swag Staff,

whatever. So it's nothing fancy of a name. It was just something I was called in high school. So SWAG ability, reach out, Ask staffs, ask my wife and I a question.

And if God so leads you to become part of our donor base, there's a spot there. You can do that as well. So thank you and keep your eyes open.

I'm in the fourth chapter of writing a book called One Revolution at a Finding Joy Amid Life Trials.

So One Revolution at a time I hope will be out by the end of summer. But that's discipline in God's timing. More discipline on my behalf.

Reginald D: There you have it. Stephen Westhalt. Stephen, thank you so much for coming on the show. Man all, you have so much wisdom and God is doing great things with you. And the crazy part about it, he's going to keep doing things because you are so obedient to what he's calling you to do through everything that's happened.

Stephen Wagstaff: I'm just grateful for the opportunity. I'm so used to being on the other side of the mic on a show that you might be my fourth or fifth time of guesting, so I really enjoy it.

Give me the opportunity. My wife would have loved to, but she's got such a head cold, you wouldn't understand a word she's saying. But anyway, giving us the opportunity, words can't say enough.

So thank you for allowing us to share our story.

Reginald D: Yeah, absolutely. And then we probably have both of you back together, so we'll work that out.

Stephen Wagstaff: Thank you, my friend.

Reginald D: All right. Thank you.

Thank you for listening to Real Talk with Reginald D. If you enjoy listening to Real Talk with Reginald D, please rate and review on Apple Podcast. See you next time.